


I'm going down, down

by Ebyru



Series: Asylum/ep 17 'verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Hallucinations, Loneliness, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Season 7 Spoilers, Unresolved Sexual Tension, episode 17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-03 00:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ebyru/pseuds/Ebyru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel accepts all that has become of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm going down, down

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for episode 17/season 7
> 
> Inspired by this:  
> they give me pain, so I live with pain,  
> they give me hate, so I live with my hate,  
> they have changed me, and I am not the same man

Castiel knows the difference between what is _real_ and what is Lucifer’s doing.

 

What’s real is that he is back to being alone, contemplating his mistakes and poorly-spent long life. What’s real is that he is in this situation because of himself, not because of Sam Winchester. What’s real is that Dean would have stopped him if he knew beforehand what was going to happen, even if the righteous man would have regretted every second of it if Sam died consequently.

 

What isn’t real are the flames melting his vessel’s skin, climbing the walls of the overly clean room. What isn’t real is the way Lucifer winks and touches Castiel late at night when the orderlies have all gone away. What isn’t real is him secretly craving that touch—any touch for that matter—after being stuck in the institution for weeks. What isn’t real is the anger he holds when he thinks of Dean leaving him here, alone and suffering, with no one he can _really_ speak to.

 

Or maybe all of it is real.

 

It makes no difference to Castiel though because Sam is safe, Dean is relieved, and he is paying for what he’s caused. This is the hand he’s been dealt, and nothing in the world could change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are <3


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